an open letter to myself by Natasa Butinar


My dear, what happens?
Suddenly I don’t know you anymore!
Where did that smiling, energetic girl go?
Why are you bending over yourself? You have isolated yourself from the world, people, don’t know which direction to take
now. More than others, you have sewed the label on yourself.
Now behave like crazy,
you drown in utter despair what is worse, you do not do enough to get yourself out of this absurd situation.
Are you sick?
I don’t think so, have no physical pain at the moment you can do everything you want just, only if you move, shouldn’t be
trapped inside these walls that you call “the home”!
How am I not right?
Are you doing? What are you doing? You’re stuck on your computer all day writing poems. What does it serve?
Do you need them to say what you would otherwise never say aloud? Did poetry save you from loneliness and emptiness?
Which void? Do you lack affection? Yes? The real one.
What the people struggle to show you. Well, put your heart in peace, a people are not well. People are occupated with their lives. People have no time or desire to hear one that his youth spent in psychiatric wards. People are afraid of the different,
full stop.

And love you a little more!
Get out of that room! Don’t matter if it’s raining or cold outside.
Walk, get in shape. When you look at yourself in the mirror will no longer make that sad face, Natasa will smile. Try singing.
Try dancing. Love you.
Love and care for that body that belongs to you and keeps you alive.
In this life, if you still need it after your death we will see later, isn’t it so?

Natasa Butinar
Natasa Butinar was born in Rijeka (Croatia) in 1971. In the 90s she moved to Italy where she still lives today. In 2016 he published the collection of Croatian / Italian bilingual poems "Elefante Bianco"( White Elephant), 2019 "Il guardiano silente" ( The silent guardian) was published in bilingual language too. She's poems are part of numerous anthologies including the prestigious "Anthology of contemporary poets of the Balkans" published by LietoColle 2019. She is a translator and collaborator for the International Poetry Festival " Pero Živodraga Živkovića "(Bosnia) organized by poet Emir Sokolović and sponsored by the Italian Embassy in Sarajevo.

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